One sided love or love from one side has always confused many people. Most of us used to say things and ask questions like:
Is one-sided love real love?
Can we consider one-sided love as a normal love?
How to deal with one-sided love?
Should I tell the person that I love him or her?
What is the difference between one sided love and attraction?
What the heck is that one sided love? And why do we fall in love with some one but from one side???
Can we consider love from one side to be even more romantic than a normal love??! because you do not even want anything from your partner. You just give and do not care about taking anything. Right??!
Okay. No more confusion.. let’s start uncovering the truth behind one sided love and how to deal with it.
Love from one side is simply an exception to the normal rule which is the normal love, and in order to understand the exception which is one sided love, we have to understand the rule itself first which is love… So what is love anyway??
What is love?
Love is a feeling that we experience after the brain creates certain chemicals that make us feel happy. Those chemicals are what make us say that we fall in love and when we become addicted to those chemicals, we become addicted to the person that caused our brain to produce those chemicals.
So when we miss someone, we just miss the chemical dose that the person causes our brain to produce.
Some people can cause your brain to produce low amounts of chemicals even if you live with them.. That’s why you may not love certain people even if you live with them for a long time.
And it is also the reason you start to love some people after staying with them for a while, simply because your brain starts to produce a bit higher amounts of chemicals every day and you become addicted to those amounts and so to the people caused your brain to produce them.
Other people may cause your brain to produce very high amounts of chemicals even if you did not talk to them or just have talked with them for as little as five minutes or less.
Other people may even cause your brain to produce very high amounts of chemicals even before they say a word and this is exactly the explanation of what happens in the case of love at first sight!
There is a sort of image or criteria that your subconscious mind uses to determine the specifications of the person that we fall in love with or in other words, who can cause the brain to produce very high amounts of love chemicals.
The more someone is compliant to the subconscious mind criteria, the more he or she is able to make the brain produce higher amounts of love chemicals and the more likely you will fall in love with him/her.
What happens in normal love is that you find a woman that highly meets your subconscious mind criteria and so your brain starts to generate high amounts of love chemicals… if you meet the woman’s subconscious mind criteria as well, then her brain will start to generate high amounts of love chemicals as well.
The one whose mind produces higher amounts of chemicals will become more interested in the other one and if the mind of one of you generated a less amount of chemicals than it used to produce or even stopped generating chemicals at all, then this one will stop loving his/her partner.
What is one sided love?
So what does this have to do with one sided love? And what is one sided love?
In case of one sided love, your mind produces love chemicals while your partner’s mind still does not produce the required amounts of chemicals to make him or her feel like he or she is falling in love with you.
So, yes… one sided love is like a normal love except that the other person’s mind has not produced enough love chemicals yet to make them feel like they are falling in love with you.
According to the previous explanation, the signs of one sided love are the same as those of the normal love except for things related to the other partner.
Here are some signs of one sided love:
- So you feel uncontrollable urge to be with that person
- You love being around him or her
- You want to hear other people talking about him or her
And so on..
Dealing with one sided love: How to deal with one sided love?
Every case has to be dealt with in a unique way; however you have to understand that the more you stay in that situation, the more chemicals your brain generates and the more you become addicted to those chemicals and the person you love from one side.
Courage is all what you need. You have to choose your way… To face it or to run and escape it.
So the first thing to do is to stop taking the dose as long as you cannot guarantee that you can keep the source. In other words, if you cannot make the other person fall in love with you as well then you have to stop taking the dose he causes your brain to produce.
There are two possibilities:
1. The person knows that you love him or her.
This is when he/she knows that you are already in love with him/her which in turn has two other possibilities:
- Your loved one knows that you are in love and you talked about it with each other. So if you have already confronted her about your love but she is not interested or rejected you, then there is a small chance using reverse psychology.
- Your loved one knows that you are in love but you have not talk with each other about it. In such a case, you have to be a man… again man up and go tell her about what you feel without being needy and see how she reacts. And just remember that if you are the man, then you are the one who is supposed to take the initiation and approach her not the other way around.
So go tell her about your love, and if she is supposed to say no, then it is nonsense if you deceive yourself when thinking that there is any sort of hope.
There are many ways to approach her and tell her about what you feel.
2. The person does not know that you love him or her.
In such a case all you have to do is to go and to tell her about your love. Of course, I mean that you should do it the right way. You can also let a friend tell him or her but this is too general advice and you have to choose the right way before you approach her.
One sided love: Playing it safe, fear of failure, and fear of rejection.
Sometimes you fear that you lose her if you told her about what you feel. This is especially when you are friends with her and you fear that you may even lose her as a friend and as a lover as well.
So what?? What is the solution to that problem??
A normal person will not risk anything in order to earn anything, but you do not have to be that person. Just remember that by risking nothing you will get nothing and by risking nothing you are risking everything.
A real man does not just hope for the other person to come and women love bold guys who take actions and get what they want in life.
All what you have to do is to decide which is more important for you… being her lover or being her friend?! Just decide what is more important for you and go get it.
One sided love and playing the victim role
Some men prefer to play the victim role. They always complain about not getting what they want in general and the girl they like in specific, however they do nothing about it.
The solution to this problem is very simple: accept the fact as it is until you become able to change it and spend most of your time taking actions not complaining about your bad luck.
One sided love and playing the so romantic role
Some men say that one sided love is even more romantic than normal love. They deceive themselves by considering love from one side to be even more romantic than a normal love??! Because you do not even want anything from your partner and so you just give and do not care about taking anything!!
If this is right and you do not want anything from your loved one as you love her even if she does not love you then why the heck do you complain about it… Why do you feel pain when she does not respond??
Confront yourself with the truth and face it instead of escaping and running!
Plan B: Getting over one sided love.
How To Make One Sided Love Successful ?
Getting over one sided love is not way too different than getting over a normal love… It requires fixing your beliefs about love and break ups.
If you have tried to get her to like you but you failed for whatever reason then the normal plan B is to move on and get over her.
As it would take another separate post to tell you how to get over one sided love, I would like to summarize some useful tips to help you move to plan B.
- Understand that rejection is not about you at all. It does not mean that you are not a good person, but it simply means that you cannot match your loved one’s own criteria which means that your qualifications may be lower or even higher than your loved one’s expectations, and yes you hear me right: it would be higher!!
- There are plenty of fish out there. Many women would match your criteria and even more than your loved woman and many of them are already better than her.
- It is normal to be happy while being single. The normal rule is to be happy even if you are not in a relationship, however you are supposed to be happier while being in a relationship. So stop attaching your happiness to your loved one and stop saying things like life is nothing without you.
- Understand the psychology behind falling in love. In the beginning of this post I explained the methodology behind falling in love and how the mind creates some sort of chemicals because of being with or thinking about your loved one, so in fact, it is all about the chemicals not the person and you want the chemicals not the person and any woman who can match your criteria will help your mind creates those chemicals. Simple like that!
Final words about one sided love
One sided love is not a shame or a more romantic sort of love either. It is a special case of love that you should deal with until you convert it into a normal love and get your loved one to love you, otherwise, you have to move on and forget about it because it is not a normal situation to continue to love someone who does not love you. It is nonsense and is not an honor at all!!