Relationships are important to all of us and when we hit a bumpy patch in one that has become crucial to our lives it is easy to become concerned about a divorce. But if we take the time to appraise the situation and consider when and how the problems developed, it will be easier to prevent the relationship from breaking up before it is too late. Here are seven tips to help you do just that.
Tip 1: Put a little breathing space in the relationship. Try spending just a little less time together for a while and more time on your own. This can help you find your perspective on what may be going wrong in the relationship. When we are very involved with another person, we sometimes lose track of how we really feel. Time spent alone, for both of you, is a good way to discover where your responsibility lies in the relationship problems.
Tip 2: After you have had some time to reflect, think about where you may have contributed to the predicament. For example, are you blaming the other person for troubles that only you can fix and causing conflicts that do not need to be there? Are you expecting more from your relationship that is realistic?
Tip 3: Recognize the fact that you cannot change the other person, you can only change yourself. If the other person is doing something that you do not like, it is okay to tell them, but you still must accept that it is up to them to decide whether or not to change. Also consider that the very things the other person does that bother you may likely be something you don’t like about yourself, changing that may be all you need to do.
Tip 4: Communication is important in all relationships. If you are upset about something and you are not telling the other person, then you are putting distance between you. This is a prescription for a disaster in any relationship, particularly if you are angry or hurt and you lash out indirectly at the other person. So be honest. Chances are the other person will understand and may even ease your concerns.
Tip 5: When expressing your feelings to another, remember to always say “I feel…” or “I felt…” rather than “You did…” or “You made me angry”. Always try to express your feelings in such a way that you do not blame them for the way you feel. You alone are responsible for your feelings and actions as they are responsible for theirs.
Tip 6: We too often take our problems out on the people we love the most. When things go wrong in life that we don’t seem to have control over, such as a difficult boss, it is easy to blow up at a loved one. We are safe and more comfortable letting the hurt and anger out at home. Make an effort to take time to talk about life difficulties with your loved one so that they do not spill over into the relationship.
Tip 7: Do something special for your loved one, even if it is just a kiss on the cheek or a card under their pillow. We all need to know we’re loved and being reminded on a regular basis can help keep a relationship running smoothly.
Relationships take work. They take time and awareness. If we neglect them for our careers or other things that we think more important, chances are the relationship will pay the price in the end. Paying a little attention every day to your relationship by taking time to talk, time to be alone together and alone apart, will help keep your relationship going strong and prevent a relationship breakup.