Just because you’ve been living together as married or live-in couples for years (or even decades) does not mean you’ve a healthy relationship. There many couples in the world who share a miserable and incompatible relationship, for years and decades. This is very common in 3rd-world conservative societies. There are 10 characteristic of a Healthy relationship which unhealthy relationships do not have!
1 – In a healthy relationship, both give each other SPACE.
Relationship is like a sapling which needs space, air, light and nutrients to grow.
Even couples need privacy amongst themselves. They also may have different lifestyles, personality, friends, and interests. It is important that the couple respects this difference and give the other space to be on their own (while keeping familial duties in mind).
In fact, couples who’ve their own interests & lifestyle can be very exciting for each other. Lots to talk about…lots to share…lots to learn! It will help “recharge” their relationship, every now and then.
Lack of this “space” can result in a suffocating relationship – which will then become a “wilted sapling” with little or no scope for growth.
2 – In a healthy relationship, both are aware of the fact that HAPPINESS comes from within.
In other words, one is not completely depended on the other for inner Happiness and Fulfilment. This can only happen if you are very practical-minded, self-reliant, psychologically-independent and have interests/hobbies of your own.
If you are totally depended on your partner for happiness, you are exposing yourself to disappointments and will become victim of “familiarity breeds contempt”. Such dependency can also result in too much of expectations – the unfulfilment of which has always caused heartaches and headaches in many relationships.
3 – In a healthy relationship, no one is trying to CONTROL the other.
Being possessive is a common drama in the lives of many couples. Both males and females are guilty of it.
Because of your Insecurities and Complexes if you try to Possess & Control your partner, you will be responsible for creating bit of a Hell in your relationship!
This can also take the form of trying to force some “changes” in the other.
No human likes someone forcing him/her to change, in one way or the other. Change can only happen in a friendly environment with an understanding, non-interfering and cooperative partner. It is ok to change based on some expectations of your partner, but that also should be done in a conducive environment.
4 – In a healthy relationship, there is EQUALITY and DEMOCRACY.
Both are equal, in each other’s eye, when it comes to privileges, benefits and decision-making is concerned. The opposite of this can be seen in patriarchal and misogynist societies, which are primarily based on unequal man-woman relationship.
Sure, couples may not be equal when it comes to knowledge and expertise in certain things, but when it comes to each other’s status in one’s eye, both are equal.
5 – In a healthy relationship, DISAGREEMENTS are settled in a practical manner.
Misunderstandings or disagreements never become a prestige & ego issue amongst couple who share a healthy relationship. They settle their issues in a matter-of-fact style. Even if not settled, it does not “simmer” for a long time. It is just moved aside – without any chip on one’s shoulder – to be talked about on another day.
Practical-minded people are those who find solutions to problems. Immature and impractical-minded people are those who aggravate the problems – and even find problems in the solution itself.
Disagreements will become a prestige and ego issue only if the couples have serious incompatibilities and long-repressed unresolved matters.
6 – In a healthy relationship, there is OPEN and HONEST display of FEELINGS.
This is as opposed to unhealthy relationships where feelings can be repressed and are neither Open nor Honest. Even if so, they are “forced” and can even aggravate matters!
In healthy relationships, openness and honesty comes spontaneously – with little or no past baggage. In fact, such open exchange of feelings also come with sincere respect for each other’s sentiments and feelings too.
Thing’s will never go out-of-hand as they do in miserably incompatible marital relationships.
7 – In a healthy relationship, the man and woman are IN LOVE with themselves.
First you need to be in love with yourself before you can truly love someone else.
First you need to take care of yourself before truly loving someone else.
This is a “trick” that many miss out on! As a result, they end up falling in love with people of their own kind resulting in pretty unhealthy relationship, later on.
Just stand in front of the mirror!
Are you proud of what you see?
Do you’ve a truly positive self-image?
If “Yes!”, then you will carry forward that aura…that positive vibes into your relationship with your lover. And then what you get is a healthy relationship full of shared positivity!
8 – In a healthy relationship, Love-making is deeply satisfying.
Intimate platonic relationship + Love-making = Heaven!
I understand that good love-making may not be consistent affair because of pressure of one’s job. But even if done inconsistently it still will remain deeply satisfying amongst couples who share an intimate and healthy relationship.
I prefer the word “love making” (which is what it should be) instead of the word “sex” (which is just an emotionless, technical term).
Love-making raises an already intimate relationship to dizzy heights of deep emotional fulfilment. The lady will feel truly like a Lady. The man will feel truly like a Man.
In contrast, in an unhealthy relationship, it is not “love making”, but just “sex” – like between animals.
9 – In a healthy relationship, the couple is “emotionally rich”.
In an intimate relationship, a couple “grows up” together by sharing an open and smooth exchange of intimate feelings, emotions and thoughts, making them truly “emotional rich”.
Even how they respond to disagreements and conflicts (which are usually without any egos) contribute to their “emotional richness”.
In contrast, couples having serious compatibility issues or even if one of them is “dysfunctional” in one way or the other, they will always be “emotional poor”.
10 – In a healthy relationship, the couple have fallen in love with the “relationship” itself.
They love to be with each other, just for the sake of being so! With other factors being normal, the relationship itself is one hell of a “LSD”!
They are not in the relationship only for sex, money, or security. They are in it just to enjoy the “whole” of the other person. The feelings of Love & Affection run very deep in such couples. One affectionate look by the husband/wife to the other – and the latter will just go mad! One touch and “love current” will run through the body.